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I want things I can't have.
I was at the gym today and I started thinking... about temptations. I had just started my third round on the elliptical and I was growing weaker in the knees with each passing minute. My legs were quivering; shortening my breath with each stride back and forth. How adamantly I tried to abandon my thoughts. Tried to reason with myself that I knew I shouldn't think such things. I tried dismissing them casually. Similar to the way one might attempt to discard a wrapper on the floor without being seen.
Then my thoughts shifted gears. In just three weeks, I'm almost ten pounds lighter. I've dutifully followed my meal plan, and stayed committed to my workout routines. I've eaten enough chicken and egg whites to start growing feathers, and I think not feeling sore would now be more uncomfortable than feeling sore, being that my muscles are constantly aching.
Sacrifice. That's the trade off for temptation. The decision to sacrifice clandestine encounters for commitments made. Take food as an example. I love junk food- especially pizza. But I've made a commitment, to the gym that is. I've put time and effort into it. So I ignore my craving for what I want, because it's the right thing to do. And while I always leave the gym feeling accomplished, I'd be lying if I said I felt the illicit tingle of passion. The passion I feel, which resonates so deeply within me, when I succumb to my temptations.
So what does that mean? Can passion and commitment really go hand in hand? And if I have to choose between the two, can I ever be satisfied?
And what is it about temptation? The ways that it's all at once sinister, and smooth, and seductive. Maybe the allure of giving in is just temporary. Even if it is, how do you differentiate between lusting after the moment, and really missing out on something?
I could really go for some of that pizza right now, even if it's just a bite...
